say yes

Say yes to the tears that come hot & fast when loneliness feels like all you know.

Say yes to the tears that come when you realize the relationship isn’t right.

Say yes to the tears that come when that song reminds you of them.

But please, amidst the tears & unknowns, please say yes to hope as well.

It’s a dangerous thing, saying yes to hope. If that bubble bursts, disappointment can suck the air from your lungs & leave you gasping amidst – you guessed it – the tears that come when you’ve been letdown by someone you love. Or someone you want to love.

What if it doesn’t work out, what if I don’t know what I want, what if I get my heart broken, what if I stay single forever do I have to start liking cats cause dogs are where it’s at WHAT IF I NEVER EVEN GET A DOG – what if what if what if.

I used to believe you could show yourself out of that pity party (I am independent woman, hear me roar!), but I know better now. It’s no secret that it’s hard for me to reach out, to ask for someone’s time when I know how precious it is, but I need to keep asking. We’re made for relationship – not just romantic ones – and life is a zillion times better when you share it with friends. They can offer hugs when words fail & hands to hold onto while walking away from that unfortunately sad gathering of one.

And Jesus offers the best kind of relationship. He’s a man good at follow through, never giving up but never forcing Himself into my life. I need to keep inviting Him in, especially when I need Him to show me the real way out of that “what if” place/pity party I throw for myself. He has given me hope for a better future, whatever that entails.

So I put on a little Avril or Adele or Audrey & I say yes.

I say yes to a dance at a wedding I didn’t bring a date to. I say yes to Galentine’s Day plans. I say yes to a spontaneous night out. I say yes to an evening of baths & bedtime stories with the babies related to me. I say yes to a WestJet seat sale to visit both old & new friends. I say yes to a move across the Rockies. I say yes to a first date with a man willing to take a risk because it isn’t a marriage proposal & I still don’t want to deal with kitty litter.

(Sorta kidding about the kitty thing cause dogs rule, not kidding about the proposal part.)

I’ve been in this place for a while, content to wait while not waiting to live. I take big leaps of faith, put myself out there, risk being seen, make mistakes, deal with the consequences, and still, in every area of my life, have hope after heartache. I do my best to say yes to everything I feel because joy & disappointment are connected to each other, no matter how much I sometimes wish they weren’t.

I say yes to all the tears & all the unknowns because the hope Jesus offers makes me brave to keep saying yes to everything else.

I say yes.

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