This season holds a lot of unknowns. Even amidst the uncertainty & the doubt & the steep learning curve I’m going through, I want to remember this time. The deep joy I’ve been experiencing is worth it.

I want these moments to stay. 

When I’m out of this season & in the next I want to say, “This is what it was like. This is how I took risks & made mistakes & learned how there are no prerequisites for worthiness.”

This season where I’m discerning God’s will one day at a time while figuring out how to have truly great expectations of Him, too.

This season where I’m learning to love my body & how it is capable of so much as I start pushing it to anything that resembles life pre-car accident.

(Side note: No Spanx or Photoshop or anything other than my everyday makeup went into these photos. Kaihla Tonai is all about dat natural beauty.)

This season where I’m afraid of the wait.

That sentence used to say unafraid, but honestly –  I am. However – and here’s where Jesus beckons me fiercely – I offer that fear to God every damn day if necessary because I know He is good.

He is for me.

He will never abandon me.

I’m waiting on God’s perfect timing while actively choosing to live life full right now. 

(And understanding with my whole being that I need a stallion to pursue me. Ain’t nobody got time for geldings, y’all.)

This season where I am choosing to be all in, even if it’s scary to put myself out there – heck, especially when it’s scary because I’ve learned it’s worth being uncomfortable to get that golden moment.

 

This season where I’d rather risk. I’d rather give up control. Because the alternative – letting myself be comfortable & left with questions that could have been answered if I’d asked them – is not appealing.

Jesus didn’t conquer death so that I’d stay comfortable.

The freedom His love gives me – salvation, eternal life beyond this world – makes me fearless.

In the moments during this season when I forget these things about myself, I want to be reminded.

This season, beautifully captured in one evening with Kaihla Tonai here in my beloved YYC, gets to stay.

These moments get to stay.

 

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